Two esteemed Liverpudlian writers are facing a dilemma. Their new play recently debuted to rave reviews across the city but if the plot was to ever come true it could have major repercussions for their favourite football team.
'Brick Up The Mersey Tunnel' is the title of Dave Kirby and Nicky Allt's hilarious stage performance. It's currently showing at the Royal Court theatre and creating a real buzz in local literary circles.
The storyline is based on the actions of the fictional 'Kingsway Three' and their attempts keep 'those snobs from over the water' out of their city.
But from a Liverpudlian point of view how will Rafael Benitez and the other Wirral-based members of the Reds first team squad get to work if the Scouse trio get their way?
To find out if they do, you'll have to join the ever-growing queue for tickets - demand has been such that the box office have had to take on extra staff - but Liverpoolfc.tv can reveal that Rafa and co need not worry, either way.
Kopite Dave and Road Ender Nicky have come up with a simple solution to ensure the aforementioned aren't forced to take the long and arduous route to Melwood via the Runcorn Bridge.
"It's not a problem. We'll make an exception for any Red-Men," insist the duo in unison. "You've got to let them through haven't you? We'd get lynched by the lads who go the match if we didn't!"
Penned in the Casa Bar on Hope Street, 'Brick Up The Mersey Tunnel' was inspired by a condescending letter from a Wirral resident that was printed in the Liverpool Echo.
It has taken just over three years to come to fruition and the pair are rightly proud of the end product.
"It's like the old phrase 'dont bite the hand that feeds you'. A lot of people from the Wirral come over here to work then go back home and slag us off," says Dave.
"That all comes through in a comedy way and I'm sure most of the 'Wirral-ites' will laugh their heads of because it's all good-natured banter. I wouldn't like to offend Rafa or the other lads who live over there!
"One great quality that the people of Merseyside possess is that they can laugh at themselves. The ones who dont, well, they're the ones we're writing about. It's not political satire. It's even a bit panto-esque at times but the fact local people will be able to relate to the humour means a lot to us because connecting with the audience is the most important thing when it comes to writing."
Nicky adds: "It's written for the masses. A lot of well-known people get stick in it but even people from the Wirral will enjoy it. We wanted it to be entertaining and to achieve that we've used Liverpool humour, the type of humour we've been brought up on through going the match. Yes, it's cutting at times but that's the way we are in this city, we are always giving each other stick."
Dave and Nicky will already be well-known to many Liverpool fans. Dave is a poet on the club's after-dinner circuit, while Nicky is the author of the book 'Boys From The Mersey'.
Their highly-acclaimed first collaboration 'Kop Stories' a book of LFC-related poems sold out in double quick time and raised thousands of pounds for the Hillsborough Justice Campaign and Zoe's Place Children's Hospice in West Derby.
They've been supporting the Reds since they were knee-high to a Liver Bird, grew up travelling the length and breadth of the continent to follow their beloved team and it was on the terraces of Anfield or whatever away ground Liverpool were playing that they received their most valuable education.
"It was the passion for this football club that started us both off as writers," explains Dave. "We're both Kirkby lads and have known each other for years. It has long been our intention to pursue writing as a career but when we were younger it wasn't really the done thing for two lads from Kirkby. I used to get filled in by my older brothers for writing poetry!"
"That's right," Nicky says, "in the society we lived, it was definitely deemed a pansy type of thing to do and it was not until we met up at the match about five years ago that we finally decided to do something about it. Enrolled on a writing course and taken it from there. I'm sure there are a lot of like-minded match-going Scousers out there and hopefully they can take inspiration from what we've done."
Dave Kirby and Nicky Allt talkin' LFC...
DK: Being taken to the match by my dad for the first time in 1965. I went in the old Boys Pen and from that day onwards I've been absolutely in love with the place. It's been a massive, massive part of my life. During all the years I worked in the building trade this was my escape.
NA: My dad took me to a reserve game in 1967. It was against Everton, Ray Clemence was playing and we won 3-0. I remember enjoying that. Another thing that sticks in my memory is of a kid coming up to me in Kirkby and giving me a ticket for a game at home to Newcastle, not sure of the exact year but I think it must have been the early seventies because we'd just signed Keegan and he was playing. Anyway, I went in the Anfield Road and we won 5-0.
NA: One player everyone tends to overlook is Jan Molby and I dont know why because he was a fantastic footballer. With his belly and that, he reminded me of a Sunday League player but what a player. He also had dead small feet, think he only took a size four or five, which for such a big man was a bit strange. I went up to him once and said, 'Hey, twinkletoes, you're one of the greatest footballers I've ever seen, but you're feet are tiny' and he just went, 'Yeah, but they can play!' So, I'd deffo have to put Molby up there among my favourites, along with the obvious ones like Kenny Dalglish and John Barnes. My favourite player at the moment though is Momo Sissoko.
DK: I'd have to go for Dalglish because he gave me so much joy during the period I consider to be my heyday as a Red, when I was going home and away all the time.
NA: And what about Joey Jones? Can't believe I forgot him!
DK: I did a dinner with Joey the other week. And Jimmy Case. I was sat at the top table with the players, trying to act all professional but come the end of the night I was in the queue to get my photograph taken with them as well!
NA: Jimmy Case! There's another one. We sold him ten years too early. He should have been our captain after Souness.
DK: I'll have to include John Barnes as well. He came here from Watford and was like a breath of fresh air. I'd never seen nothing like that. Dalglish the manager unlocked something in Barnes that no other manager could.
NA: He had Beardsley with him though. Another fantastic player. Together with John Aldridge they were the catalysts for arguably our greatest team ever in 87/88. If it hadnt been for the European ban after Heysel in '85 the big Cup would have come back here at least another three times.
DK: Without a doubt. It was such a shame that we couldn't unleash that great team on Europe.
NA: Any conversation about the greatest Liverpool players and teams is endless. We could go on forever.
Dave: (pulling up his shirt-sleeve to show a fading LFC tattoo). Eight of us got them done on the Friday ahead of the long train journey to Rome. We weren't told that they'd scab over though and when we finally got to Italy we all had one arm bandaged up!
Nicky: (proudly raising the arm of his t-shirt to show off a much more recent LFC tattoo) Your Liver Bird looks like a duck! A little Scouse duck with a pair of Air Wear on!
DK: The first European Cup Final in '77. And I've got a lasting souvenir (pulls up his shirt-sleeve to show a fading LFC tattoo). Eight of us got them done on the Friday ahead of the long train journey to Rome. We weren't told that they'd scab over though and when we finally got to Italy we all had one arm bandaged up!
NA: (proudly raising the arm of his t-shirt to show off a much more recent LFC tattoo) Your Liver Bird looks like a duck! A little Scouse duck with a pair of Air Wear on!
DK: (Laughs) I know, it's got a big ale gut and everything. But seriously, if I could ever relive one week of my life it would be that. It was just an incredible time and easily my greatest moment in football. I'll never forget the train stopping in the Swiss Alps, all the lads had their heads out the window and someone started yodeling and it echoed right around the mountains. Next minute everyone was doing it. It was hilarious.
NA: It's funny that you mention that because a similar thing happened only last year, when we were stuck in the hills again, crossing over the Turkey/Bulgaria border on our way home from our most recent European Cup Final. It was about six o'clock in the morning and exactly the same thing happened.
NA: If I had to single out my finest moment I've got to be honest and say I'd struggle. But if pushed, I'd probably choose Istanbul, because of the game itself; the way we thought we were dead and buried at half-time, the way the crowd sang at half-time and the amazing comeback that followed. It's a story that's been well told many times before but when Dudek made that last penalty save to win us the cup, for me personally, it was like everything had come full circle. We'd waited so many years for it, during which time we'd been banned from Europe and forced to watch so many disappointing teams. But after Istanbul everything seemed complete. Everything that happens in the future now is just a bonus. No football fan can have seen more success than us.
DK: There's a fella I know from Leicester who runs a bar in Majorca. He's about 59 and in his whole life he's only ever been to Wembley once. That hit it home to me how lucky we have been as Liverpool fans. People will look back in 100 years time and go 'wow' when they hear about this amazing purple patch we enjoyed in the sixties, seventies and eighties. It was the most successful period any club in this country has experienced and we lived through it.
NA: Travelling all over the world to watch Liverpool has been a mind-broadening experience. You have to travel away in order to fully appreciate where you come from. I've been doing it since I was sixteen. Through football I've been to the likes of Swaziland and Japan, and many other places people will never go. Even going to Switzerland for pre-tours there are so many special memories
NA: I also can't let this moment pass without recalling the time when we beat Everton to do the double '86. I remember coming out of Wembley with such a euphoric feeling. I was on such a high, there were tears. It was such a supreme buzz, matched only by Istanbul.
NA: We can't talk about Liverpool without mentioning the man who made it all possible. Our God.
DK: Of course, the one and only Mr Bill Shankly.
Dave: Scousers are very passionate people. It's their nature. But when someone like Shankly taps into this, it's like throwing matches onto a fire and he ignited that flame which was already inside us as Liverpudlians. Nicky: To me as a kid he was the messiah because of the way he spoke about the club and the city. I just wish there was more people like him about nowadays because he had a galvanizing effect on everyone.
NA: Our passion comes from him. He instilled it into us all. After seeing how passionate Shanks was, it became like an addiction. He is to blame for my love of Liverpool Football Club. Myself and Dave were just kids when we first heard Shankly speak but from that first moment it was impossible to get this club out of our system.
DK: Scousers are very passionate people. It's their nature. But when someone like Shankly taps into this, it's like throwing matches onto a fire and he ignited that flame which was already inside us as Liverpudlians. He was arrogant but in a passionate way. Even today, if I ever hear old clips of him talking I get goosebumps. He was like a prophet in a way and his speeches are the stuff of legend. I've read a lot of Shakespeare and he came up with a lot of great phrases. Shankly was the same.
NA: To me as a kid he was the messiah because of the way he spoke about the club and the city. I just wish there was more people like him about nowadays because he had a galvanizing effect on everyone. People like me and Dave are writing now because of people like him. Young people look up to figures like Shankly and think 'hold on, he believes in us,' and this gives them confidence to go on and do whatever in any walk of like. Shankly believed in the people of Liverpool and society today needs more people like him.
DK: In some respects this fella we've got here now, Rafa, is like the Spanish version of Shankly. I really feel something about him.
NA: He's well-mannered, holds himself together well and seems to have everything really.
DK: If he makes a dud signing they are gone the next year. He sees it straight away and in that respect he's the opposite of managers who'd keep hold of players for years out of spite just because they bought them.
NA: I mean, two trophies in two years and the European Cup in his first. You can't ask for more than that.
DK: It's frightening to think what he may go on to achieve.
NA: I started off in the Boys Pen, then the Kop and by the time I was about 16, when we all started dressing differently from the rest of the country, it was into the Anfield Road for me.
DK: I've stayed loyal to the Kop, although it's Block 109 for me now.
NA: I've recently been over in Florida for a few months amnd can't wait to be back at Anfield for a match. The end of last season was the first time in years that I'd missed the football so I'm in cold turkey a bit now to be honest.
DK: This is our home and the roots of everything we've done in life stem from this place. I love it.
'Brick Up The Mersey Tunnel', written by Dave Kirby and Nicky Allt, and starring Drew Schofield, of Scully fame, and former Brookside actresses Eithne Brown and Suzanne Collins, is currently showing at the Royal Court Theatre until Saturday 26 August.